; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
