I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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