I wanna bring you to show and tell
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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