Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
