I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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