I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
