If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
