Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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