Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
