i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
