What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
