I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
