I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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