He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
