I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And then my night got REAL pukey
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
