it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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