once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you bring me the toilet please
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
