hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
