theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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