i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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