I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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