That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
