She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
