Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
