Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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