you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
