I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
