my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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