Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
