I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
