My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
