hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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