I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
