got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
