fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
