Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
