DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
