Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
