shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
