i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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