worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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