I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
