Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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