you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
