Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
