There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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