I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
