I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
