I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
