I bet he comes in French.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
