Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
