batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
