Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
