Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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